My older sister left for college on Friday, Jan. 16. I went to school that same day while knowing she was about to leave. After arriving at school, I still felt this pressure in my chest. One of my friends tried to cheer me up, but only ended up taking me to the counseling office, where I stayed until the 6th period.

Have you ever watched an older sibling leave home? Or are you that sibling who’s going to be leaving home? These situations put you and your family in a different set of emotions. Whether your siblings are happy you’re leaving or sad you’re leaving, while your parents are sad. The emptiness felt by the sibling who left is often referred to as “Sibling Empty Nest Syndrome,” essentially the sibling version of Empty Nest Syndrome that parents (mostly mothers) face. Empty Nest Syndrome is a “non-clinical, emotional phenomenon involving feelings of sadness, loneliness, and a loss of purpose when children move out of the home.” Sibling Empty Nest Syndrome is described as “the feelings of loss, sadness, and loneliness experienced by siblings left behind when another sibling moves out.” 

My sister and I are very close. She did Football and Wrestling cheer when she was a student at AHS, and now I am a 2-year Wrestling cheerleader and 1-year football cheerleader. We would often talk about cheers, mostly wrestling cheers. Since she’s a former student at AHS, she often asks whether a teacher or staff member she had is still working at AHS or how they are doing. Some of these teachers include Ex-history teacher Trace Petersen, Spanish and leadership teacher Dan Vargason, and one staff member being Principal Heather McKay.

Now, the tighter the bond with the sibling, the harder it is for the sibling to watch their older sibling leave. A 1987 study by Deborah T. Gold found that more than 50% of people reported feeling sad later in life due to physical distance from their sibling(s). Some symptoms of the Sibling Empty Nest syndrome include irritability, loneliness, isolation, and a decline in overall happiness at home.

Here’s a scenario that fits how my life goes with my sister: you have an older sibling who graduated from high school last May; this August, they’re leaving for college. Growing up, you guys got close. As the days go on during summer, you spend a lot of time together playing games or talking about something you both did or enjoy, and as August gets closer, you start to feel a sense of dread, realizing how close it is to the time for your sibling to leave. As the week progressed, you saw them start to pack their belongings into bags, and their room became emptier and emptier until it was just furniture and bags. The next morning, you wake up and realize that today is the day. You got up and went to eat breakfast, and they came to the kitchen to eat before leaving. 

Once you eat your breakfast, you find yourself helping them take out their packed bags to their car. Once everything was packed into the car, your sibling gave their hugs to your guys’ parents, and once they got to you, the reality of everything hit you all at once. You guys hug, and once you let go, they head for the car. You feel this pressure in your chest as they get into the car. Everything was fine at first, but then when they started to drive away, you started to cry. This was the last time you’d see them in person until Christmas, the last time you got to bug them in person, hug them, or talk about things you do or like. Though you can text or snap them, they might not answer because they’re busy doing school work, are in class, or sleeping; that is the reality of being a college student. 

Finding time to talk to your sibling can be hard, especially if they are far enough away and have a different time zone. This would require you to remember their time zone and know what time it is for them before trying to contact them.

My sister goes to college in Misenheimer, North Carolina. NC is an hour ahead of Iowa, which occasionally complicates things when I try to talk to my sister. Recently, she barely ever gets to answer me when I text her, since she’s so far away, I can’t just get in the truck with my mom and go see her, nor can she just drive home to see us.

For those of you who are the older sibling, who’s leaving? Here are a few things you can do to stay in touch(s): video calls, daily texts, sending memes or social media content, and playing games together. If you go to college close enough to home, you always have the possibility of going home for a weekend to see your family.

Whether or not you’re the sibling packing up bags or boxes, or the one watching from the driveway, change can be hard. As someone experiencing this shift, I’ve learned and realized that leaving isn’t about moving out – it’s about learning how to stay connected in new and different ways. Siblings don’t stop being your siblings because of a different ZIP code and town name. With effort, communication, and time, relationships can still grow in ways you’ve never expected. Sometimes, growing up just means learning to love people from a little farther away than usual.